I am thankful for . . .

God has been so very good to me.  I am so happy and thankful for so many things in my life.  Yes the past four weeks have been very hard but at the same time so full of gifts.  I know that within another month my posts will be full of fun and happy things again.  I want to see the positive now even though I am finding it hard.  I understand that being just 2 weeks postpartum mean that my hormones are not helping with that goal.  So bare with this crazy woman and her random pictures of things to be thankful for. 

I am thankful for the Level III Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).  We have used this hospital over other years without realizing how blessed we were to have a Level III NICU around the corner.  I am able to visit everyday and often times more than one time a day.  If it were too much farther away that would be so hard.  The twins are getting fantastic care and are so close to home.

We have been so blessed to also have a great group of nurses who worked hard to put the twins together in the same room, a fairly private room.  As long as the twins can handle all of our noise they let us all go back to see them.  It has been shared with all the nurses, so even the ones that might not be open to it still let us go back.  My kiddos are so good they don't bother anything.  I love that we are trusted in this private room.  We were told the other day that all 11 of my children  put together were better behaved than this one child that was visiting currently.  They say that they all cringe when they see him come, but when my kiddos show up that get up to greet them.  They like to answer all the questions that my kiddos come up with.

I know I complain about being a cow, that has to "be milked" every few hours,  but I really am so glad that I have the resources and the means to make it all happen.  The special pump is so nice and I am so happy to rent it.  I love that my milk has come in and come in strong.  The hospital even has some of my milk saved in it's frozen supplies.  So if I feel sick or can't make it over there, the babies are covered.  I am so thankful for that.

 I so thankful for all the meals that others have made for my family.  Starting at the same time I was sent to the hospital for bed rest.  Meals keep coming every other day or so.  They have all been so yummy and have helped us to avoid that trap of spending a fortune on take out foods.  We have so many friends willing to give us their time and talents to help us in the this way.  We love each of you and can not even begin to thank you enough.

I am thankful for all my Facebook friends.  I know that seams silly but I can't tell you how much I feel like Facebook has helped me the past few weeks.  I love keeping connected but I have not been thinking to clearly.  I know that my phone calls are all over the place and when I was sick I couldn't keep my head clear enough to have a phone call.  I could start a post on Facebook, fall asleep, take a break and then correct the sentence before posting.  I know it was silly but I loved being able to stay connected in spite of my being so out of it.  This week as I have felt better but have had prayer request for the twins, I get to ask right away in a manner that lets many friends know to pray now and why.  Then when I get good news I get to report that right away as well.  The comments and feedback give me so much support, knowing that friends and family are taking care of us in prayer is such a beautiful gift.

I am thankful that even though I came home without the babies my family was still glad to welcome me back.  The little ones made a sign.  I know they worked hard on it and wanted me to know I was loved.  It worked.  I might not have acted very excited about it but I really was.  I was also glad to be able to rest at home and not at the hospital.  It had been a very long week and a half.  I was feeling so much better but not good by any stretch of the means.  I am so thankful that after being home for a week, I really am feeling much much better.  I am not prefect yet but I have lost about 35 lbs of all that gross water weight.  I still have some in my legs and a little in my belly. I can feel it, it is hard as a rock and makes the skin tight and itchy.  It is going away quickly and I hope it will be all gone in a few more days.

After my c-section I was still too sick, my blood pressure was way too high and my oxygen intake was so low that I was not allowed back into the NICU.  I saw the babies just after birth and then waited about 12 hours until I was stable before I was taken back in my hospital bed to see the babies.  The kids waited at the hospital until late to keep me company.  J was there to support me. This was very hard on him and he seamed so distant the more sick I got.  I say that, but that could be the hormones.  J was always there for me.  I would listen to the kids talk about how cute the babies were and he would just grab my hand knowing that I was longing to see them.

When I got home and had rested a few days, J sent me this beautiful bouquet.  I loved that he waited until I could enjoy some chocolate and got me more than enough so that I could share with the other kiddos.  J always taking care of me and my favorite things.

So I guess you get that I am very thankful for this guy here.  I have been hard on him over the past few months.  He has just kept up with me, forgiven me for my mood swings and then thanked me continuously after meeting his newest girls.  I love that he is smart enough to see the big picture.  He doesn't look at these babies and panic over cost or bills or even future weddings.  Instead he sees all the times we will laugh together.  He rejoices in the times that our entire family will have together.  I am most thankful for this wonderful partner in life.

Let me be honest, I wasn't thrilled to find out about being pregnant again. I really thought that part of my life was over.  Maybe we would have number 10, but not twins and not the hard way.  The more sick I felt the harder it was to focus on the end result.  Again to be honest the very second I heard Twin Adorable cry then followed by a cry from Twin Beautiful, I was in love.  My heart swelled that day (much more than the rest of my body).  These two little ladies became a part of us so quickly.  I don't even have them home but I can't imagine life without them.  I know that God's plan is always better than our own, and these twins prove that all over again.  I don't know why they are here.  I can't even begin to guess the kind of life ahead for these two.  Princess told me the other day that she just knew that the twins had a special role to play in this world.  God really loves them, she told me.

What I do know is that God really loves me to have sent me these precious gifts.  I know it has not been easy but I have been so blessed with all the people I have met that have helped with all my trials.  I have been so blessed to have such good friends that text me about my feet being up and constantly asking what they could bring me.  I met nurses that shared their life stories to help me find purpose to mine.  These twins have me on a path that will continue to change my life and to fill it with so many gifts.  I also get to kiss on those precious little faces, how lucky I am!  I might have taken for ever to get there over these two but I am so thankful for Adorable and Beautiful.

Pooker came home from her independent college dorm to house in disarray.  With all that happened with my health we had not finished getting furniture so she shares a room and probably a bed with one of the little kids.  I understand that Pooker, Goobers, Princess and Bagel are all together with Jumba joining in just to not be left out.   Goobers was in St. Louis when I was first sent to the hospital.  She and Sugar came home as soon as I asked, cutting their St. Louis trip short by a few days.  Bear has been a strong leader when his sisters were gone or busy.  All three have bent over backwards to take care of the group.

Pooker has been the strongest leader.  I am once again so impressed by her.  It could not have been easy to come home into our crazy life and step right into leading the group the way only she can.  I never thought she would put her own life aside for the family like she has this past month.  She is still working at UST as a lifeguard but other than that she has made sure that she is here for us when ever we need her.  She has taken on the challenge of making sure our cabinets are full while remaining within budget.  I can't imagine trusting anyone else with this crazy task.  She enlisted the help of Goobers and Bear for her shopping trips and has made the most of it.  I have been impressed by all my children but most impressed by Pooker.  She has put her pride aside and impressed me on so many levels.  I am so thankful for my first born.  She is so much like me that often we fight and jump to conclusions but I am so very blessed to be her mom.  I am so thankful to have her in my life.

I am equally thankful for Goobers and Bear.  I am thankful for Sugar who came home and started staying the nights with me in the hospital.  She was there to do whatever I needed.  I am so thankful for Possible.  She has done everything to keep peace.  It has been hard having the older kids having more freedom and she still having little.  Instead of being jealous she has worked hard to keep peace and see that all try to get along.

Pickle, Princess and Bagel have kept me thankful by constantly seeing to my needs.  After getting home they will walk into the room and just fill my cup full of fresh water or simple little things like that.  Often they just walk up and hug me, which I need.  They ask the best questions about the twins and help us to all understand the simple truth that God gave us these babies to love on, no matter what.

I am also thankful for Jumba.  He is so precious to me.  Always making sure that I am sleeping or I am comfortable.  He is a spoiled little guy that should be in bed on time but gets by with staying up because he is rubbing mom's back.  Is he playing me or taking care of me?  I like to think he is just caring for me.  I feel so thankful for him.

I know that I have been so blessed in my life.  I am thankful for all that I have been given, especially my children.  All 11 of them.  I am thankful for the times in the car going to and from the hospital.  I am thankful for the songs that are played while the kids all sing and laugh with each other.  I am so thankful for all these blessing in my life.

Yes I have had a very hard time the past few weeks.  I don't do well when I feel sick.  I hate not having "control" over my life.  I can't stand not being the one in charge.  I hate needing to trust others with my finances, my shopping, my laundry, and the care of my children.  In what has been very hard for me God has blessed me.  I thank God for each of those blessing.  I ask that my health will soon return and my need of the help of others will disappear but I am thankful for all the help that others are willing to give.

I AM SO THANKFUL  .   .   .