Now Things are Changing Again

I continue working on blog posts - the stay at home social distancing posts of our different life. I wanted to write as I was feeling the hurt and fear. It is part of where we are and If this time is going to make us better we need to understand what it was.

I must say that my anxiety is now growing. I was ok when I was told we needed to hunker down. Now the idea of sending the kids out into the world again has me a little sad and a little scared.
Groceries stores change from week to week, with new restrictions added to shoppers constantly. More barriers between people and cleaning stations at the entrance. I hate being told to put my mask on.

The news is telling us that there are supply chain issues for food.

My husband is still not traveling and I like that. How soon will that change?

My first Grand baby is due to be born ANY MINUTE and we are trapped hundreds of miles away. I want to be there for my daughter and I wanted to have helped her in these weeks before the baby. I wanted to pamper her but we are in a new world right now. Praying for sure! Praying for everyone. I miss Pooker and her husband JavaJava so very much, especially as their first wedding anniversary approaches.

I also miss Bear. We get to watch him at daily Mass that is being streamed and that is wonderful.  He is also organizing a morning show that is shared on Facebook. Check it out by clicking here.  I get to see him 3 times a week and pray with him everyday at the Mass. I am scared we will loose that connection to him.

The other kids have been forced to be around mom and dad. We have been forced to work on puzzles together. We have been forced to make meals and eat together all the time. We ate together three or four times a week before but now we are at 7 days a week. When someone is at work, we miss them. I don't want to loose that.

I look around at all the places of employment that are closing and those that I suspect will not make it. My heart sinks. My kids are lifeguards and coaches; but summer pools are not planning to open this summer.

Missouri is announcing "opening" under huge restrictions. We will need to leave name and address to enter stores. Our temperature taken to enter restaurants. Limited number of people allowed in all of these places. Forcing many of them to loose ever more money. How will they survive?

Then we turn to church. Pooker doesn't want us to visit baby until we can go to Mass together. It doesn't look like that will happen for a very long time. The idea of going to church for Mass and being told to go home because they have met their quota will break me. I miss our Lord in communion. I miss the normal Sunday Mass.

I am not wanting to be a "Debbie Downer" here, I am just wanting to record my feelings. Yeah, we might open and but I am fearful of the newer normal.

So I have learned to recite this over and over again the past two months. I was reminded last month when we were blessed to be able to go to Confession privately and then again on divine Mercy Sunday.  It does help and I do believe! So many things out of my control. I need to continue to be the best me I can be and constantly say,

"Jesus I Trust In You!"

Shopping on Saturday

Word is that some areas of the country are going to open up. We are stallion lock down but things are changing. This was for the good, I found toilet paper in the store. There wasn't a lot of it bt hopefully this is an indication that the shelves would not be as bare as they had been. 

Everyone was wearing masks and the store design is being altered to cater to social distances. People look so fearful. 

 Personally I was feeling very confident. I did my nails and felt very put together. Who knew that nails and makeup can really give a girl courage and strength.

 I came home from the store with stuff for our last official Sunday on lockdown and some more toilet paper and hand soap. Maybe things will get back to normal after all.

Masks and Memes of the Time

The risk of the the disease is smaller that the issue that it is causing the country and the world. There are so many conspiracy stories floating around and I am beginning to feel that they are all real. The world is spinning and the truth is twisted. I can't even attend Holy Mass. So weird. 

We know so many people in the oil industry. This was an issue before the virus and now with the lockdown there is no demand. 

I have no way of knowing if there is any truth to this tweet but things like this are keeping me going!

I do find comfort in hearing from the president. I don't think that I trust his advisors. I am not sure I agree with the lock down idea at this point. 

The CDC says not to wear masks but then localities are requiring them.

All I know is that I want things to be like they were before all this covid stuff. 

My mom got me a cute mask, thanks mom.

Not Safe Anywhere

Today marks 20 days stuck in house for this family. Still waiting for dinning room to be put back together. 

Feeling trapped and anxious. Thankful for the toilet paper and food we have, but frustrated that “trusting the supply chain” has not proven to fill the shelves. Kids need an outlet but some parks and play grounds have closed. 

Let's figure out this mask thing!

The inside games have bad side effects, just ask St Joseph. I am at December with catching up with organizing pictures and blogging. I still need to post the blogs but so me that is like our family photo album. I feel close to catching up. 

The fun of this has passed, the excitement and historical aspect has worn off. I miss interacting. Please be assured of my continued prayers for you all and your families, especially those that have lost jobs.

You no longer GET TO GO TO MASS!

The president has limited travel, public places are closing including the pools where some of the kiddos work, and we as a family have decided to quarantine. We did huge shopping on Monday that should last us for at least a week. I could not find toilet paper but other than that we got what we wanted. The news is all about Social distancing and how that can help limit a quick spread of the virus. 

Now what?!? The news is intimidating but we got this. . . or so I thought. While I was shopping on Monday the Archdiocese of St. Louis issued this statement. Still processing what this means . . .

“Do we HAVE to go to Mass today?” A child would ask on a any given Sunday in a whiney sleepy voice. J

 and I would respond, “You don’t have to go to Mass, YOU GET TO GO TO MASS!” Never, in all my life, could I imagine not being able to attend the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Even during the hurricanes in Houston, if you could get to the church safely the priest welcomed you to Mass. I have never lived in an area where the Catholic Church isn’t strong and I have always had several locations and times for Mass to choose from. I will admit that, ‘Not getting to go to Mass’ and not even having an option to attend is very unnerving to this cradle Catholic. I know I am not the only one. This is so hard to comprehend. Mass is always an option, or so I thought.

I am sure that God can make good on things that overwhelm the human heart. I didn't think that Mass on Sunday would be my last one for awhile. God help us!

NOLO

Many months back J asked if I wanted to go with him to New Orleans in February. I sad yes, because who doesn't love New Orleans?!? As the trip got closer and closer I wasn't sure we could make it work. I had already spend the last six weeks fighting colds, flus, fevers, sore throats, kidney stone pain, and severe nasal drip. I felt ok and had for a few days, and the kids were excited to be left home alone for a few days so off we went. We forgot that it was Mardi Gras time. Happy to see some floats again but not happy to deal with the traffic. 

Mardi Gras in NOLO is such a unique experience. For us it is about watching families enjoy the parades. Seeing the color of the parades. Everything in moderation and we will have a blast.

Beauty in Snow

Today marks one month until my birthday. J is traveling all the time. Money is tight and the bills from Christmas are stilling being paid. I have been fighting a few kidney stones. We need new tires for the car but will need to wait until we get our income tax refund to be able to afford them. I was starting to feel overwhelmed and down. I dropped Princess off at work and would need to come back to get her and pick up and Bagel later after a little more frozen rain and snow. This had me a little worried. I hate driving with the bad tires on the slippery roads. I dropped Princess off and just sat there. At first, out of habit I lamented, "Why did we move to this awful place that has snow?" I heard myself and was so upset. We moved here, to the Mid West, so we could enjoy the snow and the change of season. I forced myself to take another look. The trees covered with snow are beautiful, and the snow blankets everything in a peace.

I got home and made myself look some more and take a few more pictures.

The snow is beautiful! Praise God in all things!

Easter Difficulties

I hate living in Houston.  I hate it for a few reasons.  One of those reasons is that I feel so isolated from my family.  I really miss living near my extended family and Jason's extended family every holiday.  Knowing that we have missed all those gatherings has bothered me since we left.  We didn't have the money to visit for every holiday.  Instead we worked hard to establish our own traditions.  I work hard every holiday to make sure that it is special and that each child feels loved and special.  This has come back to bite me in the ass.  Instead of being thankful and seeing the sacrifices I have made the kids see how awesome it is here in Houston.  They don't back me when I say I want to be near family.  They also don't have ties to the extended family.  I still long for that connection but I am the only one.

So it was Easter morning, we worked hard to get everyone to Mass as the same time.  Many of the kids had gone the night before but had promised to go again.  Pooker had just gotten off a 24 hour shift so she was exhausted but we wanted to be together.  We got to the church to find our Houston parish church of St. Anthony of Padua packed.  The church was full, the streaming version from the main church in the parish hall was full and the runner Mass in the gym was packed as well.  We opted to attend Mass in the vestibule while watching the streaming version on the tv screens.  I just don't like that we are always so crowded that we are standing at every Mass.  Standing outside the main door makes me feel like we are just peeking in at best, we are not really part of the community.  This bothers me greatly.  We are so active at the parish,  and daily Mass is crowded but never full.  I just  got to the point that I try to feel connected through our activities and daily Mass, with Sunday Mass being just a necessary annoyance to endure.

So we are standing there after receiving communion, I pulled out my phone to locate the special prayers I like to say for family and being a good wife, when it buzzed with a message that my mom had had a seizure while the family was together for an Easter celebration.  Talk about feeling helpless.  Yes I prayed and was in a situation of special graces considering it was Easter Sunday and I had just received our Lord.  I was paralyzed, sad, scared and helpless.  I don't handle any of those feelings well at all.  I want to be home.  I feel so isolated and alone.  I feel alone because I worked too hard to let my kids fit in and adjust when we moved and now I am the only one that feels that way.  I am alone in my desire to be near the extended family.

I was wrong.  When I opened my eyes I instantly realize that I am not alone.  I stood there in prayer with my entire immediate family surrounding me, holding me up and praying with me.  My children, each of them had endured great difficulties to be together with us for this Mass.  We were united in the Eucharist and able to give Mimi our greatest Easter gifts.  She got our sincere prayers for her well being just after we received the Eucharist on Easter Sunday.  Our hearts were full of our Lord and so were our bodies.

Easter was within us and we prayed together.  That gave peace!

My Amazing Offspring

So we moved in yesterday.  Dad and I slept quickly and then got up to return the truck.  We needed to help Santa prepare for Christmas gifts, find - purchase - bring home living room furniture, and get the food needed for our usual Christmas celebration.  Remember J and I promised the kids that we would not ruin our family Christmas traditions because of the move so we were working hard to live up to our promises.  We came home that day exhausted and expected to find complete chaos.  In stead we found that the kids had worked extremely hard.

So we would have lots of laundry to do, it might take months to find things and create a more usable place for things but they had done the impossible.  We could leave the next morning to find one or two more gifts and to Christmas food shop knowing that the living room, kitchen, and dinning room had order.  We most defiantly would enjoy a normal (ISH) Christmas.  Amazing job!  This was the perfect gift for dad and I. We wanted this home for the space it would allow for family time.  The kids made sure that just 3 days after a move we could have a Christmas of our dreams.  The tree was a bit iffy.  It was a left over at Walmart that we got for a few bucks but the twins were thrilled with it. We could not ask for more.