Monday, July 22, 2013

Mom Gets Depressed

I don't think it is a clinical depression, honestly I don't have time to really be depressed but I do find it so hard to be upbeat and cheerful.  Last year I had to push through and after having been so sick with the twin pregnancy I felt so great.  This summer is a different story.

The heat didn't start as early as usual but when it did it hit hard.  I hate Houston, I hate living here so very much.  I love all the wonderful people we know here but I still don't want to stay.  I feel like we are not supposed to be here and we were supposed to move away several years ago.

My husband feels differently and tells me that I need to trust God and know that I am where I belong.  I don't find peace in that.  I fight being depressed with the long hot days.

I do try swimming but the water is so hot and it really takes way too much effort to take everyone to the pool.  The babies love the water but I only get a few minutes in the pool before I need to take them out and I am constantly worried about them sucking up too much water. 

It is summer and it is hot every where.  I know that.  It really isn't the heat as much as it is the duration that gets to me.  I grew up with very hot summers but after three maybe four months the heat would end and then fall would come.  (Also there was a little break in the high heat each night!)  I know that isn't going to happen here.  I am sick of people telling me that on a cooler day (mid 80's with a feel like temperature of 95.) that I should be thankful.  It isn't the same as the cool air of fall with the crisp air and the leaves changing all around.  Visiting is nice but even while visiting I know that I have to come back here. 
There is more to it than just the heat.  It is a feeling of being trapped.  I am not sure if we will ever get out.  J's current company is based in Houston.  That has moving away pretty much an impossibility.  I can't even begin to express how hard that is to wrap my head around.  We are here without the hope of moving away.  J makes more money and his current position is fantastic.  I am so proud of him and all the work he is doing.  Yet I am not happy.  I guess I am just ungrateful.  All I can say really say is to ask for prayers for me.  I hope to find peace in where I am.  Maybe I am not supposed to because we are not supposed to be here.  Pray that I can find a way to make the most of  it.
I hope that you are enjoying your warm summer days.  I also hope that you live somewhere that those days will come to an end soon.  Sitting here on  July 22nd looking at the temps for next week, I am overwhelmed.  Oh well, I need to distract myself and focus on the positive (AGAIN.)  Please forgive me if you run into me and I am grumpy.  Most likely it isn't you, it is the heat.  Thanks for letting me vent. 


  1. Neen, remembering you in prayer! I love summers, but it's because of those looooong winters we have. There, just saying winter, doesn't that make you feel a little chill?

    1. I thought about you when I was typing this. You wrote about winter at the end the same way I write about summer. I don't mind it, I just want a little less of it. I also would like a little more of a fall and winter and spring. I love all your pictures, they give me hope. I love knowing that the whole world is not as hot as I am.

  2. Neen, I will pray for you and I can tell you that I know exactly how you feel. I was trapped in a place I never wanted to live for almost 20 years, and my husband too had more peace than I. We have moved now to the state that we had hoped to, but are still far from family and while the weather is better, it is still hard. I am with you in thinking that some of it must be ingratitude on my part, and I still struggle with hormones. But knowing those things does NOT make it any easier.
    I will pray, and offer my suffering today for you to be distracted by the 11 blessings surrounding you
    love your sister in Christ,

    1. Thank you for understanding. So many people are offended when I say I don't like it here. When I am not saying I don't like you or your friendship. I am comfortable here in the sense that I know my surroundings but I do still long for more (and by more I don't mean more comforts just more temperatures! LOL).

  3. Praying for you!!! We just moved to Tyler TX from Maryland and this is my first year getting used to the weather. Honestly, I have heard so many bad things about the Houston traffic, that maybe that has a little to do with it? I will pray for your peace and that you can find some that will perk you up a bit?! But the heat - OH THE HEAT! We are hot and disgusting here 24/7. But it is easier on me since mine are all still babies and don't need to be taken out anywhere due to boredom. All that to say - prayers and understanding from me!!!!

  4. I know how you feel. My husband and I have been married for 14 years and lived in San Antonio our entire lives. Even though I never wanted to stay here we dont seem to have another choice. He has been a truckdriver for heb for the past 14 years and I dont think he ever wants to leave that job. We also have a growing family with 4 kids and one due in December. I am glad for my family but sometimes i do also get depressed. I just picured more. Maybe a career or maybe I am not doing enough for our kids. I am a stay at home mom and talking to the kids all day without adult conversation takes its toll. But what can I do but keep my chin up and keep moving forward.

  5. I just clicked through on your email to the group!
    Just wanted to say I'll be saying special prayers for you this evening. I 100% hated living in Wyoming and it's a desperate feeling to be living in a place you just don't like. I understand.
    (Funny enough, I was spending all that time there begging God to bring us back here! :-) )


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