The heat didn't start as early as usual but when it did it hit hard. I hate Houston, I hate living here so very much. I love all the wonderful people we know here but I still don't want to stay. I feel like we are not supposed to be here and we were supposed to move away several years ago.
My husband feels differently and tells me that I need to trust God and know that I am where I belong. I don't find peace in that. I fight being depressed with the long hot days.
I do try swimming but the water is so hot and it really takes way too much effort to take everyone to the pool. The babies love the water but I only get a few minutes in the pool before I need to take them out and I am constantly worried about them sucking up too much water.
It is summer and it is hot every where. I know that. It really isn't the heat as much as it is the duration that gets to me. I grew up with very hot summers but after three maybe four months the heat would end and then fall would come. (Also there was a little break in the high heat each night!) I know that isn't going to happen here. I am sick of people telling me that on a cooler day (mid 80's with a feel like temperature of 95.) that I should be thankful. It isn't the same as the cool air of fall with the crisp air and the leaves changing all around. Visiting is nice but even while visiting I know that I have to come back here.
There is more to it than just the heat. It is a feeling of being trapped. I am not sure if we will ever get out. J's current company is based in Houston. That has moving away pretty much an impossibility. I can't even begin to express how hard that is to wrap my head around. We are here without the hope of moving away. J makes more money and his current position is fantastic. I am so proud of him and all the work he is doing. Yet I am not happy. I guess I am just ungrateful. All I can say really say is to ask for prayers for me. I hope to find peace in where I am. Maybe I am not supposed to because we are not supposed to be here. Pray that I can find a way to make the most of it.