In so many ways I am not the best of mothers. I am tired and lazy so much of the time. I would much rather type than clean and often do. Right now I need to pay the bills and make our money stretch and I just don't want to, it is too depressing. My kiddos are very smart but I should push harder. I haven't grocery shopped in days and we are close to running out of just about everything. The toilet paper is almost gone, so no more waiting. I let them sleep in and stay up late. I find that to be one of the biggest advantages of homeschooling. I struggle with being "normal" like everyone else and being comfortable with how God made us.
Our formal studies are on hold this week. We are still working on religion and reading but with two funerals in the middle of two of our biggest days I knew it would not be the week for lots of work. We are just enjoying the time together. We are talking, watching TV, crying, cleaning, and anything else that pops up. Call it out Fall break if you want.
This week I have received about five private notes speaking to the kind of mother I appear to be. While I am honored that anyone would think that I have it together, I beg you to ask my children what they think. They are more likely to tell you how lazy, unorganized, and unmotivated I can be. I do love my family and I try. I fail most of the time but that is being human I think. I did stumble upon one important trick that allows me to feel close to each child everyday. It is worth sharing for those that want to know their children better.
As I fall asleep at night and I begin my night prayers, I try to recall each child. Now I must point out that too often I have stayed up too late on the computer and fall asleep before praying. I am trying to be better at this. I know God deserves my first thought of the day and my last thought at night. So pray for me that I get better at this.
I have tried to form myself to recall each child in some activity that they have done in the day. I make myself call to mind a scene from that day in which I can offer God my thanks for that child. I have found that if I do this in prayer I am much more honest. It is my inclination to find the negative in a child. I must force myself to remember a positive scene of that child's face from that day.
This is not as easy as if might appear when you have more than one child. This trick also helps me stay positive during the day because I need to find a positive memory. I tend to smile at the child that comes crying to me with something that is broken instead of getting angry. They look so adorable when they feel guilty and know they did something wrong. It also keeps me in the moment more. Too often my mind is elsewhere even when I am with my children. I am missing too many insights into who they really are. When I am spending too much time yelling and not enough time laughing with them then I know that I am not being faithful to this form of nightly prayer.
I should try the same approach in the mornings. Asking God to help each child with a character flaw. Giving each day a goal for each child would help form better days. I challenge myself to focus on this for the next week. Each morning a specific prayer for each child and every night thanking God by recalling a happy face. Join me in this if you would like. Let me know if it helps guide your days as much as it guides mine. To my children I beg that you forgive me and know that I adore each and every one of you. Each one of you is my favorite.