I know that my time to go to Heaven is not yet here. I find this so sad. I am a young mother and God still needs me here on earth. I am here to do His will. I am here to be Him to those around me. I am here to hold the hands of some dear princesses that are being called to the Kingdom. I know that I am sounding very melodramatic. I am trying to focus on Heaven. I am trying to see the prize. I must admit, though, that my human heart aches. My soul questions why; as my eyes fill with tears.
I have known Kelly V for about 2 and 1/2 years. She is a bright woman. She loves her boys with every once of her life. She has been the best looking, healthiest dying person I have ever known. I was afraid of her at first. It was obvious that she was suffering with fighting cancer. Her chest and her hair were both gone. I am so glad that I was able to see more than what was missing. Her deep brown eyes were filled with a joy of learning about Christ. Her heart sores when she talks about her boys. She is logical, kind, smart, and loves math (I know no one like her, especially the math part). Breast cancer is taking her life but it can not take her spirit.
I have known Linda T for as long as we have lived in Houston, almost 8 years. I met her at the school her daughter attended and then we became part of the same prayer group. Her daughter is the same age as Sugar and the two became fast friends that first year we joined the swim team. For all appearances she was completely healthy until 3 months ago. She has a heart of gold and is one of the most generous, hard working, involved people I know. She is super active with every thing she does. I relate to that passion. When She signs her children up for a team it means that she will be at every event. She is the one working her tale off. She does it because she loves her children and because she loves your children. Her battle with pancreatic cancer will not be a long one and it can't keep her from Heaven.
Both of these woman had a very hard week. Both were told that their livers are struggling to process the chemo and those that fought these battles before understand what that means. "There is nothing more we can do for you, it is time to call hospice." These wonderful woman each have another few weeks before hospice will be needed but the statement was made. It is so final. It doesn't matter if you have known it was coming for five years like Kelly or if you heard it for the first time last month, it stings and stings hard.
God does not give us death and sickness. We choose it when Adam and Eve picked pride over God. I know God allows good to come from all suffering though. I see it, I feel it, and I trust it. I cannot prove it to you. I cannot explain it to you. I can't even tell you any more about it. Right now when I "should" be doubting a loving god, I am not. I feel His love all around me. I am not happy to be living with all of the death but I am thrilled that Heaven is so close. My two friends get to see God face to face very soon. They get to join in the Communion. I long to join them.
Not yet, I know. "It is time to call hospice" is not a time to be sad, but a time to trust in salvation. Please pray for my friends, their families and their friends. Ask that God grants us the wisdom to believe in the only miracle that really matters in this world. The miracle of God becoming man, walking among us, taking on sin, offering Himself on the Cross, dying, and then opening Heaven for Kelly, for Linda, for you and for me.