Mom Gets Depressed

I don't think it is a clinical depression, honestly I don't have time to really be depressed but I do find it so hard to be upbeat and cheerful.  Last year I had to push through and after having been so sick with the twin pregnancy I felt so great.  This summer is a different story.

The heat didn't start as early as usual but when it did it hit hard.  I hate Houston, I hate living here so very much.  I love all the wonderful people we know here but I still don't want to stay.  I feel like we are not supposed to be here and we were supposed to move away several years ago.

My husband feels differently and tells me that I need to trust God and know that I am where I belong.  I don't find peace in that.  I fight being depressed with the long hot days.

I do try swimming but the water is so hot and it really takes way too much effort to take everyone to the pool.  The babies love the water but I only get a few minutes in the pool before I need to take them out and I am constantly worried about them sucking up too much water. 

 

 

It is summer and it is hot every where.  I know that.  It really isn't the heat as much as it is the duration that gets to me.  I grew up with very hot summers but after three maybe four months the heat would end and then fall would come.  (Also there was a little break in the high heat each night!)  I know that isn't going to happen here.  I am sick of people telling me that on a cooler day (mid 80's with a feel like temperature of 95.) that I should be thankful.  It isn't the same as the cool air of fall with the crisp air and the leaves changing all around.  Visiting is nice but even while visiting I know that I have to come back here. 

There is more to it than just the heat.  It is a feeling of being trapped.  I am not sure if we will ever get out.  J's current company is based in Houston.  That has moving away pretty much an impossibility.  I can't even begin to express how hard that is to wrap my head around.  We are here without the hope of moving away.  J makes more money and his current position is fantastic.  I am so proud of him and all the work he is doing.  Yet I am not happy.  I guess I am just ungrateful.  All I can say really say is to ask for prayers for me.  I hope to find peace in where I am.  Maybe I am not supposed to because we are not supposed to be here.  Pray that I can find a way to make the most of  it.

 

I hope that you are enjoying your warm summer days.  I also hope that you live somewhere that those days will come to an end soon.  Sitting here on  July 22nd looking at the temps for next week, I am overwhelmed.  Oh well, I need to distract myself and focus on the positive (AGAIN.)  Please forgive me if you run into me and I am grumpy.  Most likely it isn't you, it is the heat.  Thanks for letting me vent.